the hyphens that define my life

Staycation Part Deux August 16, 2013

Day two of our four day staycation and here’s a list why staycations don’t work:

1.  Alarm clocks.  I forgot to turn off my alarm off both days.  5:30 AM is not my favorite (thank you RGal for teaching me to not say I freaking hate 5:30 AM) and is even less so on my vacation days off work when I don’t need to be awake at 5 freaking 30.  I could have easily have forgotten to turn off my alarm if I was truly on vacation in a hotel or camping, but my husband and I have vacation protocol we follow that includes turning off the alarm.  At home, the alarm is part of the home routine, thus the staycation routine.

2. Routine unchanged.  Now that I’m awake thanks only to forgetful self, my routine is unchanged.  I go through my morning motions, drink my tea, turn on my computer and look at my phone.  Oh look, emails.  Oh yeah, thanks for the email, I forgot to do that, let me send a quick email.  Next think you know, I’m working.  Not really working, just skimming, yet working.  On vacation, I’d have to walk out to get coffee, my routine would be broken.  Staycations don’t break the cycle of your habits.  Vacations are intended to change your momentum, break cycles and change your habits.

[note to my boss who reads my blog:  sending you a text pix of the Cabela’s ad to brag that I get better junk mail that he does (and that I have a Cabela’s nearby) was all in fun, not the “work” I am referring to in #2]

3. Vacation does not include chores.  Staycation includes chores.  I’m stupidly awake while everyone else sleeps, I’ve taken a vacation day so I’m not working, what else am I supposed to do?  Laundry is relentless and there is always something to do.  I spent several hours of my staycation on chores.  Productive, but lame.

4. No chefs, bartenders or wait staff on staycations.  I’m cooking, cleaning, serving and no one is bringing me a cocktail.  This is the definite “not a vacation” of staycation.  My banana pancakes were inhaled by my fellow staycationers this morning.  Service is marginal, the bartender needs to show up but the food is outstanding.  The best part of a staycation is homecooked meals.

5.  We were invaded by ducks.  Where I vacation, even in my dreams, there are no ducks.  At home on our staycation, we have enjoyed the Canadian Geese honking as they fly overhead. We’re damn close to Canada, who am I to say get a new flight path?  Flying overhead geese I can tolerate.  Then the ducks loudly arrived next door.  No other words came to mind than “WTF!”  I thought my neighbors, who already have boisterous chickens, added ducks to their urban farm.  Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, came booming into my house for at least an hour.  I saw my neighbor over the backyard fence later and started randomly discussing her hollyhocks (I didn’t want to shout out “WTF you have ducks?”, rather ease into it).  Once the hollyhock discussion ended, I segued into ducks.  Smooth, I know.  “Where are you keeping you ducks?”  They have a ‘Chalet de Poulet’ (truly, the sign on the chicken coop says chalet de poulet) for the chickens, maybe they’ve installed ‘Lac de Canard’ for the ducks.  She looked at me dumbfounded and said “What ducks?”  Really?   Now she’s bold-faced lying to me over ducks?  Turns out, there are no ducks, no lies about ducks, not even a remote duck cover-up.   While she was out, her fireman husband on his off day was hanging out with his almost two-year old, playing with his duck call, as he is a duck hunter.  Over and over and over and over again. Of course.  On staycations, you have to deal with your neighbors (who I love, except during duck season prep).

6. No maid service.  After running around all day on vacation, isn’t it fantastic to open your hotel room door and have the place clean and straightened and the beds made?  Staycation house is the same as everyday house, a disaster.  On staycation, you go out all day, come home and BAM you’re smacked in the face with everything just as you left it.

7.  Vacation Mode.  When you’re on vacation, you flip a mental switch and you’re in a different mode, vacation mode.  Staycation means same old every day mode.  No switches flipped.  No change.

8.  No Kids Club.  Let me start by saying I have never once put my kids in a kids club while on vacation.  With that said, where is the Kids Club?  I’m ready.  Not really, but I would like to have the option.  Staycation does not offer the Kids Club option.

9.  No hype.  If I told my family we were going on vacation for 4 days they would whoop and holler and be thrilled.  Telling them we’re going to have a staycation for 4 days provides no hype.  Staycation, to them, sends the same press release it sends to me, hang around the house for hours until we leave to do something you may or may not want to do, then come home and do all your daily chores because life goes on.  No hype.

10.  I can’t think of a 10th reason why staycations don’t have the same effect as vacations.

[after typing this post and spell checking for errors, here’s #10 why staycations don’t work…staycations is not a recognized word!

Staycations are great because:

1. sleep in your own bed – YES!

2. nothing forgotten, everything is here, unless we ran out and I forgot to replace, it happens.

3. we happen to live in an awesome place(hype, hype, Outside magazine just named Spokane one of the best towns in the nation

4. multiple rooms.  Not only do you get to sleep in your own bed, but in your own room!  A hotel suite for a family of 5 doesn’t compare to a house.

5. Ambience to suit your need.  Half naked or fancy, whichever you prefer, anything goes on a staycation at home.  For the record, I prefer loungy, where my youngest is typically found half-naked.

6. On your schedule.  Staycations allow you to set the pace and the agenda, preferably without 5:30 wake up alarms

7.  No resort fees, no parking fees, no gratuities.  Sweet.

Vacations in any form are pretty fantastic, even as staycations.  Next time we staycation, I need to plan better to sleep in, work less and hire a cleaning service.


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